The Kind of Wife I'd Like

What happens when men start earning a little money? I will tell you. As soon as a few dollars, pesos, shillings start flowing into a man's pocket constantly, he stupidly thinks of somebody on whom to spend that money. He becomes charitable or some kind of philanthropist. This is not a philanthropist in the sense of having pity, mercy and all that for the poor, but a philanthropist to the female species. Of course nowadays that has changed. I have nothing against gay people but I wonder and I can tell you that I only stop at that. So, a man starts thinking that the money he is earning is too much for a man alone, and he starts saying that if God wanted man to spend his time, money etc. alone He would have created him alone.

Now, I am no exception to the above. I hate that fact, but there is one thing that is making me happy. The fact that I seem not to get the kind of girl I want. I am not mean. I believe I am quite a philanthropist, with the little that comes my way, and money is not even the question. There are many things, shall we call them hurdles? that my wife has to overcome. I wish to let this out so I do not get the wrong woman for a wife. Marriage is a long thing; a serious one takes an average of 35 years if anyone does not die along the way. I would not like to spend two years with the wrong person.

The kind of wife I need should not fart, or to be politically correct, should not break wind, anyhow. Should she see a reason to defy this rule then I have to be miles away from home. There is nothing as annoying as a farting woman. All the beautiful women you know out there, just imagine how it is like when they fart. The new royalty Kate, if she farts I think she loses all her beauty. Imagine Cassie doing that. Imagine the look on the face of Mariah when she takes a ****. Any beautiful woman that farts makes a man imagine where those gases are from and the man starts degrading her all at once. He starts saying, she isn't that cute after all. You know what, I feel the same thing.

The woman I want should be careful how she uses the bathroom. I do not need a wife who visits the bathroom about all the time, and when she does, she should make sure I do not know because imagine your wife doing the ****. It is quite disgusting. I shall also not be tempted to use the bathroom after her because nothing kills a lady's appeal than the smell of her ****.

The woman I want shall also not give me that look they give as if you have just said 'our neighbour's wife is getting cute' when all you said was, 'honey, I’m home'.