My Slight Mishaps Caused by Technology

The moment somebody says “TECHNOLOGY” most of us rush to think of computers and other computer-related inventions or innovations. We are only partially right if we take this path of thinking. My little Collins English Gem Dictionary ( which must have been published in the 19^th Century because it was used by my uncle in his high school, and besides all the pages are yellow, not to mention that it smells like what the original Bible manuscripts must have smelled when they were found in whichever caves they claim); well, my Gem defines technology as the “application of practical, mechanical sciences to industry [and] commerce”. So technology does not always refer to anything electrical, as everyone of us rushes to think. If you invent a new way to break wind, well, it might be referred to as technology!

Now, everybody is so grateful that the Homo sapiens of these days has used his brain so much and that is why we do not have to part the waters of The Red Sea every time we cross that narrow canal but rather we can use a ship, or plane to fly over the same. Indeed many have blamed Jesus for having had to go through great costs to “perform his miracles” whereas if he was really as great as they say in the good book, they argue, he should have “appli[ied] … practical, mechanical sciences to [his] industry [of preaching]. For instance, they continue to argue, if he could have made a very big oven out of his great might as is told in that good book then he should not have taken away those two fish and five loaves of bread from whoever they rightfully belonged. Neither should he have risked his life walking over waves without a surfboard. Further still, he would not have been crucified quite against his wish (remember he had feared it as is said in that book and that he even had to spend nights praying) but would have had made one Kaleshnikov which would have been enough to scare away those Jews, or those who wanted to stone the adulterous woman – here, Jesus, due to lack of any weapon, bent down and started scribbling on the ground with his finger. But it appears that Jesus was not a fan of technology because he should have been the inventor of so many things. Take the mobile phone for instance. The other day I laughed when somebody joked about the telephone (mobile phone) in Jesus' time – that calls like the following would be made:

JC: Hey, Peter, where are you guys right now?

Peter: We are in Bethlehem.

JC: Bethlehem? What the hell are you doing in Bethlehem?

Peter: Oh, don't you know? We have a bash!

JC: Whose bash?

Peter: Judas' birthday bash.

JC: Oh, that asshole never tells me a thing. I'll be with you in ten minutes.

To leave Jesus alone, for although he was not a technophile he had brains that are unmatched to this day, (it says in the good book), I will go straight ahead to say why I chose to talk about this topic. I, too, love technology but when it beats me I'm so frustrated because I'm just a youth and a lot more should be on its way. My first encounter with a TURNSTILE was in a supermarket in Kampala (the one right inside the Old Taxi Park – I forgot its name). I am neither a yokel nor a townie but when I first approached it I was afraid because it seemed to me just strategically located to knock some very precious cargo that men carry around with them. I hesitated at first until somebody went past it without it inflicting that damage I had so feared. I followed suit and sighed with relief when I realised that the thing was just as harmless as a little girl. I did my window-shopping since belonging to a certain class I was too broke to buy stuff anyway. I must not have noticed any sign saying where we should exit from and besides I was too excited about my little metallic friend and I approached with as less caution as I could afford just so I could show any watcher that I was used to turnstiles and their cousins. I am African, too, and reading signs and instructions are not really part of our cultures. What I had feared so much before I passed through the turnstile happened. I groaned in pain and pretended that it was just an irritation because 'why do they have to make us go all round the shop to get out'? The turnstile did not give in to my feather weight even after trying to push so I decided to show any watcher that I was athletic enough and I did a little skip or high jump of that turnstile which turned to be quite a sight. Whoever watched had a look I haven't understood to date but for which I care naught for.

My second experience was in that great city of Nairobi. I do not know what it is with me and cities and guess what … ? anything that turns or revolves: The REVOLVING DOOR. I had just popped out of a minibank to withdraw money from the ATM. The queue I was in was long and just when my turn came the machine stopped working. I got out of the minibank immediately and left even though there were other queues that I should have joined. I get pissed off quickly and I guess that is why. Not knowing the city quite well I could not find any other ATM easily so I decided to go back to the same ATM. I had not seen a door, at least not a revolving one, when I first entered the minibank and so I pulled the handle of what I saw. It turned out to be a revolving door and that I was pulling it in the wrong direction for another man of a huge disposition was just getting out of the bank. Just as I had stuck my rather not small head inside he pushed the door the other way and nearly broke my neck. I could not help but yelp with pain and make quite a spectacle of myself. He apologised and tried to train me on how to use revolving doors without such mishaps, which pissed me off than when he nearly broke my neck because I at least knew how to use a revolving door. It just wasn't there the first time I had entered! I learned my mistake later: that the minibank was next to its mother bank and so with their sharing logos and colours, it was hard to know where you had first entered. In other words, the mother bank had a revolving door while the minibank didn't. It's just that I had not noticed the mother bank and when they were breaking my neck I was actually supposed to be getting into my minibank!