Garlic Breath? Uh-uh. Garlic Gas!

What is garlic? Our friend wikipedia tells us that “allium sativum, commonly known as garlic, is a species in the onion genus, Allium [and that it has] close relatives [who] include the onion, shallot, leek, chive, and rakkyo.” That is wikipedia. What I know about close relatives of garlic eating folks is different. People all over the world like garlic especially due to its medicinal value. What most people fear about it, or hate about garlic is . . . you guessed it – garlic breath. They say that when you start taking garlic cloves daily you start reeking. This happens from your pores, when you sweat, and more from your mouth and nose, when you breathe, leading you to have the hated garlic breath. That kind of breath is hated so much that even in Islam, where many Muslims love garlic, you are not supposed to attend salat (prayers) after eating garlic.

I have the habit of “self treatment” where I only visit the doctor if the illness does not go away after that self treatment. I am not a doctor – the MD or the witch types – but I think I am a digerati with a self awarded PhD. I love the internet and so when I have a small problem I just ask my other friend Google the best treatment and my friend usually knows just too much.

Last week I googled and found out that garlic treats a lot of things. I decided to be taking raw cloves on a daily basis. This coupled with the fact that garlic is used every day in our family meals has led me to a discovery: that what people fear/hate of garlic is just a tip of the iceberg. Since I started eating raw garlic, which I have found has a very ironic taste compared to what some attribute to it, my whole behind “sleeps outside”, to say it the African way. In plain English, I no longer cover myself up completely with the blankets like I usually did. Garlic breath is the best a man can smell, or a woman. But garlic gas!

Before I discovered this I had what they call a Dutch Oven. I almost suffocated. I ran out the room and met Mama on the hallway and she did not have to ask what had happened. Garlic gas was trailing behind me like the smoke off a jalopy. I did not go back to my room until after one hour. Later on Mama called me and told me to go easy on garlic, without me telling her a word of it.

If you take garlic, you will no doubt get the gas, and you do not even wonder what may be causing it because the moment it escapes you know what it is. Smells something close to rotten eggs or hydrogen sulphide, if I remember my chemistry well, and why not?! They say it is full of some form of sulphur, which contains all the magic about garlic.

Now, I had no problem with garlic breath, being the bachelor that I am, but I definitely have the problem of trying not to cover my behind when I live in an area high above sea-level meaning it is an area that is very cold. I also have a problem with the Dutch Ovens. They describe Dutch Ovens as the type that you would like to push your partner in to enjoy but if you gave your partner a Dutch Oven of garlic origin, or rather a garlic oven of Dutch origin, she divorces you before sunrise.