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Sunday, 31 March 2013

Kenya issues travel advisories against UK, US

In what many may call a daring diplomatic move, Nairobi has warned its citizens against travel to the West, most particularly the UK, excluding Scotland, and the United States. Germany too was not left out when the newly elect tough-sounding president said he could not allow [Kenyan] citizens to experience what happened in the Munich Olympics. In an unprecedented move he referred to Kenyan citizens as modern day Jews, who everyone was wishing evil – but which he warned was not going to happen. Kenya has disappointed many a Western countries after violence failed to break out after the 2013 elections.

This move leaves many wondering just how they are going to work with the president-elect, who has been indicted for crimes against humanity in the Hague. When asked by the press what led to his decision to issue the advisories against the US, which is currently run by a fellow Kenyan, he cited the fall of the Twin towers and the pentagon, claiming that shows that the country (US) is not able to protect itself against terrorists and therefore left Kenyan citizens in danger. Answering the question on the UK, he said that it was forbidden for Kenyans to eat horse meat and as such they were not only advised not to visit the UK but will also be fined if investigations show that they travelled to that country some time after the warning. The stoned president-elect also cautioned high-profile Kenyans against visiting the UK seeing what happened to “our beautiful adored Princess Diana”. Apparently, he had the hots for her. He also claimed that the UK was not a safe place for Kenyan citizens due to the fact that Harry Potter was killed in cold blood and the Dark Lord will still rise.

It will be, or rather has already begun, a big turn of events, as the president-elect's eyes are aimed to the East. “As the sun rises in the East, so shall we look upon China to solve our problems.” China has already invested massively in Africa, and in Kenya in particular – building a world class highway called Thika Road. This is much unlike what Africa has been receiving from the West – nothing but conferences and money given to corrupt government officials who later spend it in vacations in the same countries. It should be noted that China does not give Africans money to build anything but comes and builds itself.

Additional reporting by Kimani wa Mumbi
Xinhua African correspondent
Nairobi